Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Last of a Dying Breed


Yes its true that they stopped making REAL Sparks with energy(ginseng, guarana, taurine) in fact it has been about, if not a little longer than a year. Yes its true that from time to time we have been known to discover REAL Sparks w/ energy in the light blue can(light blue=diet). But now that I have your attention I would like to state that I am the the last person in the world with not only a REAL orange Sparks but a REAL black Sparks as well. How did i obtain the two rarest items in the universe you ask? Please, let me explain.

My journey began about 3months ago when it became fact that all REAL sparks were extinct shy of some light blue diet ones popping up around town sporadically. It was on the last day of RORYPALOOZA 2 and after having done beer bongs the entire 3hr ride home from The REAL OC i was still ready to go! or "Party Mode" if you will. Arriving back in the city i decided to go to my friend's apartment to keep the party going as usual. I stumbled towards the fridge to grab a delicious Bud-Light only to keep my B.A.C. up enough to avoid death when it happened... as soon as i put my hand on the beer i noticed something much more magnificent. There it was the REAL black Sparks, were my eyes playing tricks on me? NO! i casually asked my friend, "hey, u gunna drink that?" he replied, "nah dude, that's all you... somebody left that shit here." So i took the REAL black Sparks stuffed it in my fanny pack, faked a stomach ache and left immediately. When i got home after a 25 minute shit faced bike ride i placed the magical malt beverage safely in my refrigerator. REAL Black Sparks, CHECK!

For the safety of myself and others i will be changing names and places for this half of my story. FLASH FORWARD to one week ago, My friend "Willy" was having the first of this new monthly parties he will be hosting as DJ at a bar we'll call "IIEF CHIKES". As the night went on and the bottles were becoming empty and the ugly girls were looking more and more attractive i was walking towards the bar for last call when i tripped over some passed out kook on the floor and fell to my knees. To this day i cannot thank that drunk idiot enough, for without him lying in my path causing me to fall i would have never seen that orange and chrome can twinkling in the light behind the bar like it were Edward Cullen on a sunny day. When i saw that the coast was clear i made my move... looking both ways dashing behind the bar grabbing the REAL orange Sparks then stuffing it down the front of pants to disguise it as my second dick. The night was over, we left "IIEF CHIKES" and i was able to black out and time travel home worry free.

So there you have it! You now know how i became the luckiest man on Earth. Please, someone... anyone i dare you to find even one black or orange REAL Sparks+Energy and supply me with photographic evidence. Remember, REAL Sparks have the words "ginseng, guarana, taurine" and a plus sign "+" printed on the can without those two characteristics you are just drinking a smirnoff ice.

3 comments:

Allie said...

whoa this is really well written. wanna write for our sig O blog?

@benBurbs said...

i take that comment as a serious complement coming from such an avid reader!

Jessica Sheridan said...

i felt compelled to comment as you mentioned my favorite things in the world in this post: rorypalooza, sparks and edward cullen (on a sunny day, no less). i have 3 real orange and 1 case of real blue. i actually don't like blacks but would love to have one as a memento. will keep looking.